I've been wanting to change for so long
My cowardice's getting to me
I'm such a scaredy cat
You'd think such a loser as I
Would have been dead a long time ago
BUT no..i'm still very much alive

How much alive?
Look at me and u'd noe
I'm more of a walking dead
Better off dead than alive

I talk BIG
I talk about wanting liberation and freedom
BUT do I have the nerve to play the game
When the time comes?

No one knows
What I do know is I dun have the balls
To play that is
Something is always pulling me back
I duno if there really is sth
Something like obligations and commitment
Or is it just an excuse to escape?
I look at myself in the mirror everyday
And all I see is a shell

I listen to what I say to others
And all I hear is hypocrisy
I try to remember all my actions
And all I can feel is my silliness
Who am I really?
Even I myself duno
I'm so lost and confused
There are so many 'mes'

I no longer noe
Which is the REAL me anymore

Sometimes I think I'm so selfish
I only think about 'me'
What about the others around me?
Dun they count?
I look in my heart and all I find is darkness
I look in my mind and I find emptiness
I look at myself and I find
A shitload of crap
My past is full of might-have-beens
My present is full of what the hell am i doing?
My future is dark in front of me
Seriously, I think my presence on earth
Is a BIG mistake
I fuck up everything and
I'm so GOOD at making ppl ard mi miserable
They'll prob find life easier
If I'm dead
I crave for death so much
You would think I'd commit suicide
BUT dun forget I'm a loser
I'm simply too damn scared to do it
In conclusion
I SUX...totally
____________


tHe DrEaMmEr____.
 a hardcore bitch
a loser
a slacker
a dreamer
a failure
a contradictory person
a confused gal
a nobody who wanna b a somebody & a nobody at the same time
a fuck-up


WiSh LisT____.
 everyone I care about (my family, cw, my friends)
to be healthy, safe & happy always
everyone I care about to outlive me
to die a horrible death

to fulfill my dreams:
a career as a police/forensic psychologist
a home(cottage/ranch) in UK/US
learn horse riding
learn how to shoot all kinda guns
learn lotsa foreign lang
learn skiing
go bungee jumping
learn hypnosis


LOveS____.
 My family. cw
Takeshi Kaneshiro. Jay Chou. Luo Zhixiang.
Shakrukh Khan. Barry Manilow.
Dark Funeral.
Figo. Raul. Zidane. Deco. Van de sar.
K Bryant. M Jordan. A Iverson
Real Madrid. Man U.
Bleach. Fruits Baskets. Full Metal Alchemist.
Get Backers. Slam Dunk.
E Lit. Psych. Art.
Chocolates. Purple. Horses. Dogs.
Reading. Writing. Sketching. Music.
Night. Rain. Silence. Winter.
SimPliCitY.


MOvieS wAtcHed with dd____.
 The Simpsons Movie. Knocked Up.
The Bourne Ultimatum.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets.
Broken English. Secret. Stardust. Next.
The Nanny Diaries. I am Legend.
Sex is Zero. The Shutter.
Just my luck. Step up.


tHe fElLow DrEaMeRs____.
 wl
wl
cousin hy
zt
ph
yy
ll
yt
hx
xf
jl
Dorothy
Janice
kellY
William
Clement
Clement
Joy
Melissa

Darren

Xiaozhu
Fahrenheit-Wu Chun

NJCO Alumni
nvac
Achievers Blog
Achievers Forum
NUS Psych Society
A
B
F
K
C
Val's Find My Top
Bags for sale
psychopathic


LiNkS____.
 Nohari window
Results of Nohari Window


fRagmenTs Of LiFe____.
 July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
November 2008
December 2008
May 2013



Saturday, July 30, 2005

went imh again 2dae...joined up wif ANVAC(?) again...haha..so sori...i can't rem how to spell...even tho i asked de project leader (xf) 2dae....i'm so goddamn useless at rememberin stuff....haiz..realli envy those ppl who haf photographic memory....

the project involved art & craft...for the decoration of the ward...pluz a sing-along-session....was quite tentative & nervous at 1st since it was a guys ward...& i simply sux at communication...esp when the other party iz de opp sex...juz duno wat to sae, u noe...BUT after some guidance fr this ex-rv & nj senior (hl) who's btw oso majorin psych in nus...got used to it...since it juz involves crappin....& i'm a super crapper....at least when i'm in de mood to....lol...pluz de ppl are soooooo nice & friendly....haha...so yar...suddenly felt addicted to volunteerin..tink i'm gona go again next sat when they'll b celebratin national dae...lol...so stunned at my enthusiasm all of a sudden...wahaha...dun used to b liddat...used to b super attitude & laid-back & not onz....lol...duno watz cum over mi...

BUT tink volunteerin iz a serious matter...esp fer a 3-min enthu person lyk mi....i MUZ maintain my volunteerin & nv ever quit....for it wld b so unfair to dem coz they will actualli rem de person & b so disappointed if he/she dun turn up....wldn't wan to cause any more psychological hurt to dem....so yupz another responsibility fer mi....haiz...how i hate responsibilities....

"Life has no meaning except in terms of responsibility."
---- Faith and History
Reinhold Niebuhr

someone once told me that the above quote is rather pessimistic (i forgot who...bleahz..)... I guess that it is pessimistic in the sense that it negates everything else that people may think is meaningful to their life, such as family, friends, love, career, etc.. ....Moreover, it makes out life to be a burden rather than a gift or a blessing to us....The word "responsibility" has such an unpleasant ring to it...However, I sorta agree with it because whatever we do, we do it for someone, for something....It may be for ourselves, our family or even for someone we don't know...Even though some people say that they only do things for themselves, it is still a responsibility they carry out..one that is focused on themselves & their own well-being....They are responsible for themselves, their life & the way they live their lives...We are responsible for ALL our actions and words for they will affect someone or something, whether consciously or unconsciously....Life is a series of interrelated actions & circumstances...what a person does will affect someone else....

some people may not see the things they do as a kind of responsibilty...probably because they see it as a given ...& accept it as part of the many things they hafta do as they play the different roles in their lives...For me...i see everything i do as a kind of responsibility bestowed on me by the different roles i play in life...as a child, i hafta do well in my studies & not be a disappointment to my parents...gd academic performance becomes a thing i feel i am responsible for as a filial child...thus my entry to nus...to fulfill my dad's wish...& blahz...

can't think rite now...am too tired to think bout philosophy...or becoz i'm still too shallow...& i duno wat de hell i'm tokin bout....crap...

aniwae...had fun todae volunteerin..been awhile since i sang national dae songs...tink the last time i sang in a grp was in rv...where community singing was almost a sch culture...we sing for every single occasion..& tink i always pon school in jc, esp during festivals...feel so patriotic...haha...my fren (s) actualli commented tt i sing quite alrite....gdness gracious....1st time man....she muz haf heard some1 else...lol...i'm tone-deaf lorz...zanne wld noe...haha...all de times she hafta tell mi my pitch iz off durin CO (when i was playin bass)...cum to tink of it ....tink i was in my pri sch choir...wahaha...even attended some singin competition....gdness!!! haha...

yupz...a worthwhile experience 2dae...forced me to grow & learn stuff....tt's what i need most now i think...

PS: met a guy who's takin a mod tt i'm takin now too at ntu...sooooo yupz...got to noe some1 new...b4 tutorial starts..which iz gd....haha coz got some1 to ask bout hw...lol....considerin how lazy & blur i am...

Blogado por moi às 9:46 PM ||

Comments: Post a Comment

______________________________

whAt mY BiRtHDaTe meAnS____.
Your Birthdate: March 12
You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame. You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them. Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing. You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship. Your strength: Your charm Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics Your power color: Indigo Your power symbol: Four leaf clover Your power month: December
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?


mY TeMpERaMEnt ____.
You Have a Melancholic Temperament
Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?


tHe kEY to My HeARt ____.
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is high. You can't resist desire and lust. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?


You are Agnostic
You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care. For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine. You rather focus on what you can control - your own life. And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

hOW dARk iS yOUR sOUl____.
 HASH(0x8b67248)
How dark is your soul? (Great pics)
brought to you by Quizilla DARK - You are evil, your soul shows no light, u hate large crowds and loads of friends. You cannot resist the urge to cause pain.


You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Designer:Sotongmum