I've been wanting to change for so long
My cowardice's getting to me
I'm such a scaredy cat
You'd think such a loser as I
Would have been dead a long time ago
BUT no..i'm still very much alive

How much alive?
Look at me and u'd noe
I'm more of a walking dead
Better off dead than alive

I talk BIG
I talk about wanting liberation and freedom
BUT do I have the nerve to play the game
When the time comes?

No one knows
What I do know is I dun have the balls
To play that is
Something is always pulling me back
I duno if there really is sth
Something like obligations and commitment
Or is it just an excuse to escape?
I look at myself in the mirror everyday
And all I see is a shell

I listen to what I say to others
And all I hear is hypocrisy
I try to remember all my actions
And all I can feel is my silliness
Who am I really?
Even I myself duno
I'm so lost and confused
There are so many 'mes'

I no longer noe
Which is the REAL me anymore

Sometimes I think I'm so selfish
I only think about 'me'
What about the others around me?
Dun they count?
I look in my heart and all I find is darkness
I look in my mind and I find emptiness
I look at myself and I find
A shitload of crap
My past is full of might-have-beens
My present is full of what the hell am i doing?
My future is dark in front of me
Seriously, I think my presence on earth
Is a BIG mistake
I fuck up everything and
I'm so GOOD at making ppl ard mi miserable
They'll prob find life easier
If I'm dead
I crave for death so much
You would think I'd commit suicide
BUT dun forget I'm a loser
I'm simply too damn scared to do it
In conclusion
I SUX...totally
____________


tHe DrEaMmEr____.
a hardcore bitch
a loser
a slacker
a dreamer
a failure
a contradictory person
a confused gal
a nobody who wanna b a somebody & a nobody at the same time
a fuck-up


WiSh LisT____.
everyone I care about (my family, cw, my friends)
to be healthy, safe & happy always
everyone I care about to outlive me
to die a horrible death

to fulfill my dreams:
a career as a police/forensic psychologist
a home(cottage/ranch) in UK/US
learn horse riding
learn how to shoot all kinda guns
learn lotsa foreign lang
learn skiing
go bungee jumping
learn hypnosis


LOveS____.
My family. cw
Takeshi Kaneshiro. Jay Chou. Luo Zhixiang.
Shakrukh Khan. Barry Manilow.
Dark Funeral.
Figo. Raul. Zidane. Deco. Van de sar.
K Bryant. M Jordan. A Iverson
Real Madrid. Man U.
Bleach. Fruits Baskets. Full Metal Alchemist.
Get Backers. Slam Dunk.
E Lit. Psych. Art.
Chocolates. Purple. Horses. Dogs.
Reading. Writing. Sketching. Music.
Night. Rain. Silence. Winter.
SimPliCitY.


MOvieS wAtcHed with dd____.
The Simpsons Movie. Knocked Up.
The Bourne Ultimatum.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets.
Broken English. Secret. Stardust. Next.
The Nanny Diaries. I am Legend.
Sex is Zero. The Shutter.
Just my luck. Step up.


tHe fElLow DrEaMeRs____.
wl
wl
cousin hy
zt
ph
yy
ll
yt
hx
xf
jl
Dorothy
Janice
kellY
William
Clement
Clement
Joy
Melissa

Darren

Xiaozhu
Fahrenheit-Wu Chun

NJCO Alumni
nvac
Achievers Blog
Achievers Forum
NUS Psych Society
A
B
F
K
C
Val's Find My Top
Bags for sale
psychopathic


LiNkS____.
Nohari window
Results of Nohari Window


fRagmenTs Of LiFe____.
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
November 2008
December 2008
May 2013



Saturday, September 03, 2005

it's been a looooong time since i last blogged seriously...been busy and everything....though if someone asks me what i've been doing...i won't be able to answer coz i myself dun even know what the heck i've been busy doing....juz the feeling of being busy u noe...OR if u lyk...i've been busy doing NOTHING...lol

anyway wanna comment on the chinese superstar variety show that's been a HOT topic recently....and YESH i actualli watched a local variety show....a 1st ever since duno when...actualli shld hav done this loooong ago ever since that blind $$##@@@ unscrupulously pushed junyang out of the competition....can still remember vividly the moment the result was out....i was so bloody stunned that i juz sat on my bed facing the wall for hours....stunned...beyond words...and thoughts....seriously....i know s'poreans are weird and do strange, silly, even ridiculous stuff sometimes....mi included...BUT this iz the ultimate...

correct me if i'm wrong...but my impression of a superstar iz someone with real talents...someone who can REALLY sing.....someone with a special X-factor that makes him stand out...and someone with good looks is of coz preferable... it may sound superficial and blahz...BUT come on lahz...this is the REAL world...not some ideal world that we r living in...no matter how often we criticise people who look at appearances as shallow.....impression and looks still play an important, even critical role in our judgements...

SO....can someone kindly please explain y the hell this blind $$@@### actualli won instead of junyang??!!!! i mean junyang iz a rare talent...he can realli sing...and not juz songs from a certain genre...unlike some @@##%% who ken only sing unplucked music...he is all-rounded...he can even manage fast songs tho he does rap abit funnily....BUT rapping requires a certain gift...itz not sth everyone can do...and who says a superstar hafta be perfect??!!! the superstar juz hafta shine...datz all....AND junyang has it...coz his smile alone iz enuff to brighten up anyone's life....

whereas the $$##@ makes me lose my appetite everytime he appears....dun get me wrong...i haf perfectly nothing against disabled ppl...i'm not even gona sae tt $$@@## can't sing...he ken sing...BUT he can only make it as a karaoke singer....and only if the songs r of a certain genre...and his singing techniques sux...even the judges think junyang iz better...

PLUZ the @@##$$ can't even carry himself well...he tries to be funny and lame..but he ended up whining & immature...he talks worse than a retarded person...he keeps harping on how he can't see & stuff trying to emphasise his disability as if all of us dun already noe he's blind....juz so tt ppl wld gif preferential treatment to him...i mean itz unconscious...u see a disabled person and u'll naturally feel pity, sympathy....u wanna help him...itz natural...BUT the way he keeps emphaising it makes me sick and irritated...itz obvious he's using his disability to make himself stand out...itz ironic how a disability can becum a means to success these days...SO he's manipulative & cunning....and super competitive....i absolutely loathe such ppl....he's actualli competitve lyk hell BUT he disguises it behind this innocent, vulnerable facade...esp when he goes all teary & blahz every time the judges criticise him.....he's such a fake....when derrick lost, he was plainly gloating over his own victory YET he said he feels sad tt derrick's out...like real lorz....junyang was already in the final round & the last position was either him or derrick...SO how the hell can he be sad tt derrick din get in???!!!! itz juz a blatant lie...to say he's selfless iz plain bullshit....everyone iz selfish to a certain extent....there's no such thing as selflessness...if there is , the person wldn't haf survived the human evolution...

ok....one can say that such disgusting people exist in every community....and it juz so happens tt one of the contestants belongs to this category of ppl....BUT what about the people who voted for the @@##$???!!!! they keep emphasising how courageous he is to enter the competition...and go all gooey-eyed when he shuffle ard the stage while performin...come on lahz...itz not as if he's a novice performer lorz....he's performed before an audience b4 so what's the BIG deal bout his singing in a competition??!!

furthermore, people tend to enlarge and exaggerate every little small effort or improvement made by the @@##$ into some great achievement almost on par with mother theresa's reputation.... haf they ever thought how unfair it is fer the other "normal healthy" contestants who haf made significant improvements too BUT were neglected juz becoz their eyes are perfectly alrite???!!!! itz almost equivalent to competing wif the dead or a ghost.....impossible....take fer e.g the final round fer the male superstar...both junyang & the @@##$ were sick...& their pitching were horrible fer their 1st song....thus whoever cld overcome their anxiety & illness...stay steady & focused will emerge the winner....& Junyang DID it..i was so touched....he clearly overcame his fear of performing badly & got his focus back & performed lyk he had nv done b4...fr the 1st to the last song, one can see his improvement as he strived to gif his beri bez...he was marvellous!!!! he looked every bit the superstar then despite his sore throat....& his pitch was PERFECT!!!!! on the other hand, while the @@##$ did improve, it wasn't as spectacular as junyang & it was evident he din manage the stress & pressure as well.....YET ppl ignored junyang's achievements & focused instead on how doubly hard the @@##$ had it...what with being blind & sick...come on lorz...this is a singing competition....not a charity ting.....or a competition for the most pitiful s'porean.....u can't juz negate others' efforts & achievements juz becoz they were lucky enuff to be born healthy!!!!

PLUZ he only got a little flu...which affected abit of his pitching...BUT becoz of tt the @@##$'s greatest weakness, his nostril sounds, were not as obvious in his singing as before....his sickness actualli helped him...he muz hafta been happy lorz...junyang wasn't as lucky coz his pitching was affected by the sore throat & his pitching is supposed to be PERFECT!!!! worse, the @@##$ immediately used his illness as an excuse for his poor performance when the 1st judge commented...juz coz junyang sae he had a sore throat when the judges asked him why he was not himself & his pitching was so obviously off earlier in the competition...it's equal to saying ...."yesh junyang's sick BUT i'm sick too AND blind..." ...if this isn't a ruse to gain sympathy votes...what iz???!!!

in short, the @@##$ has no looks, no talent whatsoever since he only knows how to imitate & truthfully, his potential iz seriously limited...AND he doesn't haf the aura of a superstar....SO... ppl who still voted fer him....EITHER duno the meaning of "superstar" OR dun appreciate & dun even noe talent when they see one...OR they r themselves figuratively BLIND + DEAF + BRAINLESS & think with their ass...OR ALL of the above....no wonder s'pore singers usually go abroad to start their career...itz not juz the small market here, given our population size....itz also the people...they dun noe what's talent...they only know how to follow the trend...the japanese craze..the korean craze...whatever's HOT in taiwan or china or hong kong or japan muz be GOOD...

i mean if u're gonna focus on charity & "letz give the disabled people a chance so as to encourage the disabled people to venture into society" crap...and not gonna vote based on how much of a superstar or how talented a contestant iz...why bother holding a competition???!!! itz merely a waste of money & time....u ken juz get the contestants to line up & the show host to say,"here's 1 blind guy & 23 other 'healthy' contestants & u ken juz start voting"...the results wld haf been the SAME....
also...juz becoz nkf, one of the "greatest" charitable organisation in s'pore, was found to b corrupted right after a super successful charity show....iz there a need to try to 'redeem' our charitable image by havin such a fiasco???!!...
itz not even a proper competition...itz juz a means fer s'poreans to show off to the rest of the world how generous & open-minded & charitable & undiscriminatory we r to embrace a disabled person as a superstar....s'pore FINALLY gets to go down in history with sth spectacular...the 1st ever country to haf a BLIND guy as a superstar....CONGRATS!!!!! all of u out dere who voted...u muz b proud...at ur super charitable heart & ur contribution to the nation....thanx lotsa man....becoz of u aLL...we haf becum a JOKE....the laughing stock of the world...
since we r so 'charitable'...the govt might as well go ahead & make our country a welfare state...make charity official....
come to think of it...i finally realise why we s'poreans nv get a chance to vote for our very own president despite our claims of being a democratic nation....presidents in the past were chosen by the govt...and now even tho there r several president-wannabes who registered...onli one got past the committee....the others were not qualified enuff....BUT how weird..coz why wld they register if they weren't certain they were eligible???!!! the reason can only be tt the govt is afraid....NO...they KNOW the citizens of s'pore, being what they r...will definitely screw up the election....
lastly, i juz wanna sae to those who voted fer the @@##$...haf u ever tot how ur crowning the @@##$ as a superstar may b more harmful than beneficial??!!! becoz no matter how u look at it, the truth & reality is harsh and the world is pragmatic...a "superstar" is merely a title...if a person doesn't haf the potential, they will nv go far...we r merely deluding him....
AND fer those who pity & sympathise wif the disabled or even patients with chronic illnesses or mental disabilities...haf u ever realise that what they need most iz not ur pity or sympathy???!!! what they really need iz fer u to treat them like normal individuals..that is like u or me....not discrimination...not preferential treatment....by constantly harping and highlighting their disabilities...you look at them 1st as disabled ppl and not the individual they are...they becum classified and categorised...juz like the irony of "racial harmony" in s'pore...how can any one haf harmony if the concept of race and hence distinction is constantly drummed into us???!!!
in conclusion...the only word to describe the show iz a complete fiasco....

Blogado por moi às 2:24 AM ||

Comments: Post a Comment

______________________________

whAt mY BiRtHDaTe meAnS____.
Your Birthdate: March 12
You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame. You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them. Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing. You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship. Your strength: Your charm Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics Your power color: Indigo Your power symbol: Four leaf clover Your power month: December
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?


mY TeMpERaMEnt ____.
You Have a Melancholic Temperament
Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?


tHe kEY to My HeARt ____.
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is high. You can't resist desire and lust. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?


You are Agnostic
You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care. For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine. You rather focus on what you can control - your own life. And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

hOW dARk iS yOUR sOUl____.
HASH(0x8b67248)
How dark is your soul? (Great pics)

brought to you by Quizilla DARK - You are evil, your soul shows no light, u hate large crowds and loads of friends. You cannot resist the urge to cause pain.


You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

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