I've been wanting to change for so long
My cowardice's getting to me
I'm such a scaredy cat
You'd think such a loser as I
Would have been dead a long time ago
BUT no..i'm still very much alive

How much alive?
Look at me and u'd noe
I'm more of a walking dead
Better off dead than alive

I talk BIG
I talk about wanting liberation and freedom
BUT do I have the nerve to play the game
When the time comes?

No one knows
What I do know is I dun have the balls
To play that is
Something is always pulling me back
I duno if there really is sth
Something like obligations and commitment
Or is it just an excuse to escape?
I look at myself in the mirror everyday
And all I see is a shell

I listen to what I say to others
And all I hear is hypocrisy
I try to remember all my actions
And all I can feel is my silliness
Who am I really?
Even I myself duno
I'm so lost and confused
There are so many 'mes'

I no longer noe
Which is the REAL me anymore

Sometimes I think I'm so selfish
I only think about 'me'
What about the others around me?
Dun they count?
I look in my heart and all I find is darkness
I look in my mind and I find emptiness
I look at myself and I find
A shitload of crap
My past is full of might-have-beens
My present is full of what the hell am i doing?
My future is dark in front of me
Seriously, I think my presence on earth
Is a BIG mistake
I fuck up everything and
I'm so GOOD at making ppl ard mi miserable
They'll prob find life easier
If I'm dead
I crave for death so much
You would think I'd commit suicide
BUT dun forget I'm a loser
I'm simply too damn scared to do it
In conclusion
I SUX...totally
____________

tHe DrEaMmEr____.
a hardcore bitch
a loser
a slacker
a dreamer
a failure
a contradictory person
a confused gal
a nobody who wanna b a somebody & a nobody at the same time
a fuck-up

WiSh LisT____.
everyone I care about (my family, cw, my friends)
to be healthy, safe & happy always
everyone I care about to outlive me
to die a horrible death

to fulfill my dreams:
a career as a police/forensic psychologist
a home(cottage/ranch) in UK/US
learn horse riding
learn how to shoot all kinda guns
learn lotsa foreign lang
learn skiing
go bungee jumping
learn hypnosis

LOveS____.
My family. cw
Takeshi Kaneshiro. Jay Chou. Luo Zhixiang.
Shakrukh Khan. Barry Manilow.
Dark Funeral.
Figo. Raul. Zidane. Deco. Van de sar.
K Bryant. M Jordan. A Iverson
Real Madrid. Man U.
Bleach. Fruits Baskets. Full Metal Alchemist.
Get Backers. Slam Dunk.
E Lit. Psych. Art.
Chocolates. Purple. Horses. Dogs.
Reading. Writing. Sketching. Music.
Night. Rain. Silence. Winter.
SimPliCitY.

MOvieS wAtcHed with dd____.
The Simpsons Movie. Knocked Up.
The Bourne Ultimatum.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets.
Broken English. Secret. Stardust. Next.
The Nanny Diaries. I am Legend.
Sex is Zero. The Shutter.
Just my luck. Step up.

tHe fElLow DrEaMeRs____.
wl
wl
cousin hy
zt
ph
yy
ll
yt
hx
xf
jl
Dorothy
Janice
kellY
William
Clement
Clement
Joy
Melissa

Darren

Xiaozhu
Fahrenheit-Wu Chun

NJCO Alumni
nvac
Achievers Blog
Achievers Forum
NUS Psych Society
A
B
F
K
C
Val's Find My Top
Bags for sale
psychopathic

LiNkS____.
Nohari window
Results of Nohari Window

fRagmenTs Of LiFe____.
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
November 2008
December 2008
May 2013

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Last Friday was the last official day for my semester in NTU. My goodness gracious. Time really files. I mean I know time usually flies by BUT this sem seemed really short. I can't believe I'm never ever going back to NTU again to attend lectures and tutorials. I can't stand it. I'm so SAD. I mean I LOVE NTU ...I really do. It's not the kind of love that people usually say because they can't get something they really want and they have to settle for the second best. NO. I've always wanted to go to NTU. The only reason I din go there was that it didn't offer psychology till last sem. And after this exchange, I really find that NTU seems more suitable for me.

I had a great time at NTU. Seriously. The tutorials are great. The lecturers are ok, esp Prof M. He's way COOL....I mean how often do u get a lecturer who actually appreciates u as a student of some intelligence and mindset??? He often asks us for feedback, about stuff, like the topics we want to cover in the course, the guest lectures, etc. AND he appreciates our efforts in tutorials. He thanks us for the tutorials and says he had enjoyed our class. I mean..wow...how many of your lecturers actually thank you for an enjoyable time?

The other lecturers are cool too. They're approachable and friendly (tho wellllll i really dun like one of them..think ... a bit fake....wahaha s teng will noe who i mean...)...BUT on the whole, the interaction btwn lecturers and students is better...well at least for me...probably coz nus has too big a cohort for psychology and I dun speak out if there are alot of people in a class unless there are no vocal ppl ard. THEN u will find me very irritating if u are in the class. COZ I will definitely say alot of stuff...like one of those smart alecks all of us usu dun really like...and I'm worse coz I'm definitely not as clever as they r and so the stuff tt comes out of my mouth aren't q impressive...LOL. (unless of coz itz a lit lesson, then u will see me talking coz I can't stand NOT talking in lit. it's stifling. though I haven spoken in lit this sem coz I feel too stupid, it being 19th C lit, which I dunno nothing about, and it's a seminar with lotsa ppl, most of whom are super smart and vocal.) what to do? I function better in small classes...LOL.

aniwae last fri was spent taking photos with prof and my classmates (the photos r on my frenster if u really wanna see them, I dun wanna put them up here coz i want to keep this blog as anonymous as possible..lol..though it's prob a failed attempt..wahaah)....and it really shows the extent to which i had enjoyed my time in NTU coz I for one dun like taking photos. I play hide and seek every time it comes to photo-taking. LOl...

so yupz...really sad tt come next sem, I'll be back in nus. None of the little gatherings with friends. I'm gonna resume the loner life again. It's weird how NUS tends to make me a loner. I literally go everywhere on my own. To do research. To lessons. Unless of coz it's psychology, when I may have some friends with whom I'll go to lessons with. BUt usually I'm alone. And I usually wun go for lunch. Unlike in NTU, when I'm perpetually eating. One of the reasons why I'm particularly broke this sem is becoz I keep eating in NTU. Lunch AND dinner. And of coz I'll be eating with friends. You would nv ever see me eating alone. I'd rather DIE. I can't stand eating alone. I'd feel so LONely...haha...

NTU makes me more relaxed. It kinda brings me back to the JC life, when life's fun, with friends and laughter and the slacker attitude (NOT tt ppl in NTU are slack. NO. they're not. It's just that I feel more comfortable in NTU. it's the atmosphere, I guess, or sth.)....I get uptight everytime I go to NUS, starting from the time I queue up at the interchange. i don't know why..I mean I have friends at NUS too, and the number of people I know increases every sem, especially this sem.

I got to know s teng better. NO choice lahz since we r stuck tgt for the whole ntu life. wahaha..she's probably SICK of me by now...(like I am of her....lol...duh...I'm KIDDING!)...BUT i'm truly glad. COZ i've found another person with whom I can really bitch and crap with. I got to know more ppl in all the modules too. My project mates in el and psych. My tutorial mates, one of whom I got to know thru volunteering, so I got to know his friends too...My group mates in elit...This has been a totally fruitful sem. I dun usually get to know so many new people in one sem coz I usu stick with a group (well ok not exactly a grp, since there r like only a few of us or even less) when I take my psych modules. And you know the effect of sticking in a group. The chance to interact with others decreases.

AND most imptly, I get to hang out with my BUDDIES, who abandoned me and went to NTU...wahaha...they're probably sick of me by now and WISH fervently that I'm back in NUS. LOL.

SO YUPZ ...I'm truly grateful to have the chance to go on an exchange to NTU and am truly glad I made the choice despite everyone's objections/disapprovals and "why the hell would u wanna go there???!!!" and "are u dumb or sth???!!"

YESH. I'm dumb and I'm stupid. BUT I love the choices I make, stupid and dumb and foolish they may be. And that's that.

Blogado por moi às 6:57 PM ||

______________________________

whAt mY BiRtHDaTe meAnS____.

Your Birthdate: March 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame. You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them. Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing. You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship. Your strength: Your charm Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics Your power color: Indigo Your power symbol: Four leaf clover Your power month: December