I've been wanting to change for so long
My cowardice's getting to me
I'm such a scaredy cat
You'd think such a loser as I
Would have been dead a long time ago
BUT no..i'm still very much alive

How much alive?
Look at me and u'd noe
I'm more of a walking dead
Better off dead than alive

I talk BIG
I talk about wanting liberation and freedom
BUT do I have the nerve to play the game
When the time comes?

No one knows
What I do know is I dun have the balls
To play that is
Something is always pulling me back
I duno if there really is sth
Something like obligations and commitment
Or is it just an excuse to escape?
I look at myself in the mirror everyday
And all I see is a shell

I listen to what I say to others
And all I hear is hypocrisy
I try to remember all my actions
And all I can feel is my silliness
Who am I really?
Even I myself duno
I'm so lost and confused
There are so many 'mes'

I no longer noe
Which is the REAL me anymore

Sometimes I think I'm so selfish
I only think about 'me'
What about the others around me?
Dun they count?
I look in my heart and all I find is darkness
I look in my mind and I find emptiness
I look at myself and I find
A shitload of crap
My past is full of might-have-beens
My present is full of what the hell am i doing?
My future is dark in front of me
Seriously, I think my presence on earth
Is a BIG mistake
I fuck up everything and
I'm so GOOD at making ppl ard mi miserable
They'll prob find life easier
If I'm dead
I crave for death so much
You would think I'd commit suicide
BUT dun forget I'm a loser
I'm simply too damn scared to do it
In conclusion
I SUX...totally
____________

tHe DrEaMmEr____.
a hardcore bitch
a loser
a slacker
a dreamer
a failure
a contradictory person
a confused gal
a nobody who wanna b a somebody & a nobody at the same time
a fuck-up

WiSh LisT____.
everyone I care about (my family, cw, my friends)
to be healthy, safe & happy always
everyone I care about to outlive me
to die a horrible death

to fulfill my dreams:
a career as a police/forensic psychologist
a home(cottage/ranch) in UK/US
learn horse riding
learn how to shoot all kinda guns
learn lotsa foreign lang
learn skiing
go bungee jumping
learn hypnosis

LOveS____.
My family. cw
Takeshi Kaneshiro. Jay Chou. Luo Zhixiang.
Shakrukh Khan. Barry Manilow.
Dark Funeral.
Figo. Raul. Zidane. Deco. Van de sar.
K Bryant. M Jordan. A Iverson
Real Madrid. Man U.
Bleach. Fruits Baskets. Full Metal Alchemist.
Get Backers. Slam Dunk.
E Lit. Psych. Art.
Chocolates. Purple. Horses. Dogs.
Reading. Writing. Sketching. Music.
Night. Rain. Silence. Winter.
SimPliCitY.

MOvieS wAtcHed with dd____.
The Simpsons Movie. Knocked Up.
The Bourne Ultimatum.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets.
Broken English. Secret. Stardust. Next.
The Nanny Diaries. I am Legend.
Sex is Zero. The Shutter.
Just my luck. Step up.

tHe fElLow DrEaMeRs____.
wl
wl
cousin hy
zt
ph
yy
ll
yt
hx
xf
jl
Dorothy
Janice
kellY
William
Clement
Clement
Joy
Melissa

Darren

Xiaozhu
Fahrenheit-Wu Chun

NJCO Alumni
nvac
Achievers Blog
Achievers Forum
NUS Psych Society
A
B
F
K
C
Val's Find My Top
Bags for sale
psychopathic

LiNkS____.
Nohari window
Results of Nohari Window

fRagmenTs Of LiFe____.
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
November 2008
December 2008
May 2013

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Finally, the holidays are here. To be more accurate, the holidays had already arrived after my paper on Sat. This hols is totally unlike all my previous hols. Why? Well, first of all, at the start of the hols, at least for about 2 weeks, my handphone would be perpetually off and no one, unless those who know my home number will be able to reach me. And since the number of people who knows my home number, apart from my relatives, are most likely less than five, you can imagine how out of touch i was in the past during the hols.

Somehow, I really love playing hermit and going into isolation. It's almost as if I'm living alone in my own world, with no outside interferences. I always have the feeling that I was living for myself then. No commitments. No meetings. No need to be sociable to people I like and don't like. It's heaven. Most people probably find it dull and boring. Me, nope. I love it. The decadent life. Doing the things I like. Sleeping, slacking, drawing, reading, stoning, slacking. The fact that I dun hafta worry about anything is kinda liberating.

This hols, however, except for Sun, I had been out all days. Mon, I went back to NTU with yy to sign up for the wine appreciation course that I've been eyeing for like eons. Finally signed up for it. I was so goddamn happy! Finally, I'm beginning to take a small stepp towards realising one of my dreams. To learn everything about wine. To be a wine expert. It had been one of my dreams ever since I watched the movie "The French Kiss". If I ever have the chance, a wineyard would be one of the places I would like to visit and probably stay on for a period of time. Counting down towards the day of the course. 14 more days. Super excited. LOL. Then, I went shopping with yy and her sis at orchard, where I bought a bag. Initially, had wanted to give it to my friend as a belated birthday present, BUT finally decided to keep it for myself. Haiz. I'm such a brat. Two new bags in a single year. Spending money like water. Plus, a bag wasn't on the shopping list for this hols. Damn, I'm such a spendthrift. well, at least I've handed in my application form for CGH. Hope they contact me with a job real soon. I desperately need the bucks man.

Went bowling on Tues with my sis. LOL. It was exhilarating. I'm now goddamn addicted to bowling. It's one of those things that I can do alone. Again. I find that I really like to do things that does not require me to be in a group. Stuff such as drawing, blading. I guess, I truly am anti-social. I have a perverse liking to be a loner. I'll love to go bowling every single day. BUt sadly, I'm not that rich. Haiz. Probably once a week? LOL.

Well, this hols, no playing hermit and going into isolation for me. I'm gonna be super active and try to find myself an activity every alternate day. Gonna stick to my exercise regime too. Jogging every morning or night. Unless of course it rains. This shall be the start of the new life I'm programming for myself. I shall be more proactive. No more laid back attitude. I shall face each day with positive thoughts. I shall challenge myself.

Blogado por moi às 10:30 PM ||

______________________________

whAt mY BiRtHDaTe meAnS____.

Your Birthdate: March 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame. You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them. Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing. You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship. Your strength: Your charm Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics Your power color: Indigo Your power symbol: Four leaf clover Your power month: December