I've been wanting to change for so long
My cowardice's getting to me
I'm such a scaredy cat
You'd think such a loser as I
Would have been dead a long time ago
BUT no..i'm still very much alive

How much alive?
Look at me and u'd noe
I'm more of a walking dead
Better off dead than alive

I talk BIG
I talk about wanting liberation and freedom
BUT do I have the nerve to play the game
When the time comes?

No one knows
What I do know is I dun have the balls
To play that is
Something is always pulling me back
I duno if there really is sth
Something like obligations and commitment
Or is it just an excuse to escape?
I look at myself in the mirror everyday
And all I see is a shell

I listen to what I say to others
And all I hear is hypocrisy
I try to remember all my actions
And all I can feel is my silliness
Who am I really?
Even I myself duno
I'm so lost and confused
There are so many 'mes'

I no longer noe
Which is the REAL me anymore

Sometimes I think I'm so selfish
I only think about 'me'
What about the others around me?
Dun they count?
I look in my heart and all I find is darkness
I look in my mind and I find emptiness
I look at myself and I find
A shitload of crap
My past is full of might-have-beens
My present is full of what the hell am i doing?
My future is dark in front of me
Seriously, I think my presence on earth
Is a BIG mistake
I fuck up everything and
I'm so GOOD at making ppl ard mi miserable
They'll prob find life easier
If I'm dead
I crave for death so much
You would think I'd commit suicide
BUT dun forget I'm a loser
I'm simply too damn scared to do it
In conclusion
I SUX...totally
____________

tHe DrEaMmEr____.
a hardcore bitch
a loser
a slacker
a dreamer
a failure
a contradictory person
a confused gal
a nobody who wanna b a somebody & a nobody at the same time
a fuck-up

WiSh LisT____.
everyone I care about (my family, cw, my friends)
to be healthy, safe & happy always
everyone I care about to outlive me
to die a horrible death

to fulfill my dreams:
a career as a police/forensic psychologist
a home(cottage/ranch) in UK/US
learn horse riding
learn how to shoot all kinda guns
learn lotsa foreign lang
learn skiing
go bungee jumping
learn hypnosis

LOveS____.
My family. cw
Takeshi Kaneshiro. Jay Chou. Luo Zhixiang.
Shakrukh Khan. Barry Manilow.
Dark Funeral.
Figo. Raul. Zidane. Deco. Van de sar.
K Bryant. M Jordan. A Iverson
Real Madrid. Man U.
Bleach. Fruits Baskets. Full Metal Alchemist.
Get Backers. Slam Dunk.
E Lit. Psych. Art.
Chocolates. Purple. Horses. Dogs.
Reading. Writing. Sketching. Music.
Night. Rain. Silence. Winter.
SimPliCitY.

MOvieS wAtcHed with dd____.
The Simpsons Movie. Knocked Up.
The Bourne Ultimatum.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets.
Broken English. Secret. Stardust. Next.
The Nanny Diaries. I am Legend.
Sex is Zero. The Shutter.
Just my luck. Step up.

tHe fElLow DrEaMeRs____.
wl
wl
cousin hy
zt
ph
yy
ll
yt
hx
xf
jl
Dorothy
Janice
kellY
William
Clement
Clement
Joy
Melissa

Darren

Xiaozhu
Fahrenheit-Wu Chun

NJCO Alumni
nvac
Achievers Blog
Achievers Forum
NUS Psych Society
A
B
F
K
C
Val's Find My Top
Bags for sale
psychopathic

LiNkS____.
Nohari window
Results of Nohari Window

fRagmenTs Of LiFe____.
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
November 2008
December 2008
May 2013

Friday, May 12, 2006

There are times when any kind of relationships, be it friendship, family relationships or even intimate relationships, come to a point when it is stagnant. People with whom you used to have lots to talk about and things to share suddenly become distant. Not because of a quarrel or a disagreement or anything obvious. It's more of a slow erosion of relationships and feelings, that takes place so slowly that we are often not aware of it till it is too late.

Perhaps a matter of distance and time. I used to think that the idea about how distance dulls relationships is bullshit. Crap people come up with because they're just too lazy to put in the effort to maintain the relationships. But perhaps it does have a point. With distance, there is definitely less time spent with each other and less activities done together, therefore less chances of sharing. The amount of things to talk about just lessens. Silence in between snippets of conversations become awkward. Attempts to fill in on each others' lives seem a desperate act to maintain a relationship that's already been eroded. One no longer knows what to talk about. Gradually, every get-together seems to be a desperate attempt to maintain the relationship that once was. To be together has become a habit such that once broken, one no longer knows what to do. The idea of breaking a habit so familiar is so uncontemplatable that no one has the courage to do it. And so the habit drags on. Some people just gets married simply because they have been an item for too long a time to consider one without the other.

Or perhaps it's because some people in the relationship have moved on, progressed, whereas the others have stayed on in the same place they had once been when the relationships just started. The difference however subtle, shows itself in the awkwardness of the conversations and even in the silence.

Perhaps it's simply the old idea that deep down no one really knows the people around them, no matter how close they are. The best we can do is usually to suppose that others are like ourselves. Even though there are such a thing as confidantes, there are certain secrets that are kept so close to our hearts that they are only known to ourselves, and even then not all secrets are known for not all of us are gifted with self-knowledge and reflective personalities. My friend once told me that everyone has a confidante, or at least someone you specifically look for when you feel down and need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to.Is that really true? Do everyone have that privilege? Or are there people in the world who simply can't bare their feelings out in the open and simply swallow their tears and shut all their sorrow into a dark area in the dark recesses of their hearts?

Perhaps I think too bloody much. Why bother so much? Just live life as it is and when the time comes that things have to come to an end, then things will end, regardless of how unwilling we are. And a new chapter of life begins.

Blogado por moi às 11:07 PM ||

______________________________

whAt mY BiRtHDaTe meAnS____.

Your Birthdate: March 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame. You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them. Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing. You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship. Your strength: Your charm Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics Your power color: Indigo Your power symbol: Four leaf clover Your power month: December